Archive for 2017

Teenagers addicted to their smartphones suffer from high levels of anxiety, depression, insomnia and impulsiveness

Fraser Trevor

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Title: Teenagers addicted to their smartphones suffer from high levels of anxiety, depression, insomnia and impulsiveness
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

Teenagers addicted to their smartphones suffer from high levels of anxiety, depression, insomnia and impulsiveness : 'via Blog thi...

Teenagers addicted to their smartphones suffer from high levels of anxiety, depression, insomnia and impulsiveness

Teenagers addicted to their smartphones suffer from high levels of anxiety, depression, insomnia and impulsiveness : 'via Blog thi...

STAGE ONE OF THE TEN STAGES:Shadow Self our hidden killer

Fraser Trevor

Link Author

Title: STAGE ONE OF THE TEN STAGES:Shadow Self our hidden killer
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

We admit that the traumas buried in our unconscious rule our lives, makes us powerless to embody the truth, and drives us to act out in way...

We admit that the traumas buried in our unconscious rule our lives, makes us powerless to embody the truth, and drives us to act out in ways destructive to ourselves, to others: Our Constructed make up Has Many Different Parts. Years ago when we started exploring our interior world through self-expression , we were astounded to discover all of the different parts of self that we have inside of us. As various aspects spilled out through our spontaneous emotional collages, writings, drawings and paintings, we saw that not only did we have parts of different ages and temperaments inside, but also we had masculine and feminine aspects of self that were all struggling for expression. These became the make-up of the transitional child within Many parts that we had so expertly tucked away out of sight in the aim of living a highly functioning life, were often younger, more hidden and hurting parts. There were many parts that we had exiled away because they felt unacceptable emotionally needy, sorrow, loss, shame, fear, hurt, and anger. So how did we manage our Emotional Pain Popular therapy does not readily acknowledge that we all have a host of different characters inside of our consciousness. Perhaps people fear the notion of having many different parts inside of the mind because of the stigma of Multiple Personality Disorder or as it is now called, Dissociative Identity Disorder. The reason is that we have many personality parts is because we each create ingenious psychological mechanisms to hold and protect against feeling unprocessed emotional pain. It is possible to directly process emotional pain without dissociation, so that there is no need for "parts work" but most of us can only process the emotional pain of human experience gradually. Working with dissociated parts is a gentle and creative way to slowly unravel emotional and psychological pain. When we understand that we have a rich multiplicity of characters inside us and that do not have to dissociate away from the variety in our human nature to appear "sane." Understanding and integrating all of the different parts of ourselves can be creative and even fun. We each find profound ways to manage the emotional pain from our past. All of us have various hidden selves that have different strategies to deal with emotional hurt and physical trauma.  Most profoundly, we each have access to the child within that we were born with that can witness the multiplicity of our emotional pain dissociated system with great care, creativity, and curiosity. Our Child Within is the dynamic and eternal energy force that not only can witness the emotionality of our personality parts, but can also lead them,  and love them enough to heal and re-integrate, as well as encourage the gifts and strengths that they are meant to bring to our life.No Part of our child within is Bad Understanding that we have many different selves inside can free us to creatively balance ourselves. Our multiplicity, once harmonised and accepted, makes us into one whole perfect child within that can function with aliveness, integrity, and love. And, each part, when its strengths are recognised, can be a talent in our daily life, when outer circumstances require their unique gifts and skills. All of our personality parts are a valuable part of our inner ecosystem and they all want to play constructive inner roles. Problems arise when our inner aspects are forced into extreme roles, and influenced by trauma and respect abuse, shaming, repression, rejection, disapproval, or challenges in our outer family systems. Current outer stress can activate our child within in extreme ways as well. Most of us silently struggle with what we might call our "inner demons". We might secretly fear that we are crazy when the various repressed emotional parts of ourselves become activated. Sometimes our forbidden needs, feelings and desires leak out and we are surprised at our behaviour. It is common to hear people say after they do or say something extreme, "I just wasn't myself." Many of us live highly controlled lives with only occasional emotional lapses into the intensity of our emotional pain. As we navigate through our lives, we develop very honed and controlled managerial parts of self that keep us functioning, working, paying the bills, and navigating our family dynamics. To stuff away the emotional pain that we are afraid to feel, we might take actions that are "not like ourselves." When we do something "crazy" or become flooded emotionally, our managerial parts of self become overwhelmed and lose control. Because we repress what we cannot accept about ourselves, the hidden and rejected parts of our personality tend to distort themselves into what we call our "inner demons." Any feeling, need, urge or behaviour trait that was disallowed in the past becomes exiled from our awareness. Yet whatever is forcibly exiled still exists and always threatens to erupt. Our entire personality organises around keeping unacceptable needs and emotions sublimated. "We have many personalities that grew at out of disrespect and broken bonding. All of our personalities compete, have different goals, are conflicted, and subtly stop us from receiving. The bigger the trauma, the larger the fractures we have inside, and the more independently these selves will operate." Our original Child Within is the inherent nature of the creative human mind that protects itself in ingenious ways. We all have an indeterminate number of sub-personalities, each having their own age, desires, temperaments, desires, goals, and talents. These sub-personalities form our inner family system. And, each part of ourselves - when accepted, listened to and tended to - has a powerful and particular strength to bring to our daily functioning. When we wish to explore our Child Within self-expression and can create a safe space for emotional releasing, we can begin to creatively understand and map out how we operate on the inside. We can learn how to be inclusive of all of our dissociated parts, and discover the gifts and strengths inherent in the currently extreme and protective behaviours that create imbalance in our life. The Child Within is Larger than its dysfunctions In addition to the collection of personality parts that make up our psyches, each and every one of us has a solid and unchanging child within. This is the wholeness that we are born with and the wholeness that we will return to when we die. Our Child Within has a natural potential to be a good leader of our internal system of dissociated parts. A beautiful and relieving truth is that the shadow dissociated self is not inherently bad or dangerous - we have become distorted and have been protecting our authenticity in ingenious ways. Our shadow self organises it self to protect our dissociated Self at all costs. If the parts of our personality can come to trust our perfect child within - We will experience an integrated life of harmony, creativity, and profound self-compassion. Our dissociated self sacrifice itself and its own safety to remove our dissociating Self from perceived harm.  Holding traumatic emotions for us so that we can function in daily life. Shadow self help us to dissociate from imagined on-going childhood trauma. The tricky thing is our shadow selves often blend their extreme feelings and thoughts with our illusory Self. When they take over our consciousness, we think our shadow dissociated self is who we really are. It is quite profound how the parts of our psyche mobilise forces to protect the precious dissociated Self. A functioning human system will mobilise to protect its dissociated self - at all costs. "Imagine a tribe of dissociated inner people of various ages and degrees of vulnerability, led by a Shadow Self. In the face of perceived danger of repeated childhood trauma, the tribe moves the Shadow Self to a place of extreme dissociation and certain parts come forward blanket the danger with an addictive substance. This level of protection is especially true of our "bad manager" parts of the shadow self. Some of us have very concise and controlled parts of ourselves that manage major portions of our pseudo functional lives. Our job is to differentiate our Shadow Self from our managerial, protective parts as well as our repressed and exiled "younger" emotional parts. Once the Shadow Self has separated away from the feelings and thoughts of our consciousness, the parts regain their trust of the Shadow Self unauthentic self-leadership which once more leads to chaos, drama and ultimately disaster. Self Autonomy We can think of our Shadow Self as a demented mediator that seeks to depolarise the conflicts of our consciousness helping to sort out all of the varying needs that we have created inside ourselves. Our parts of the shadow self do not disappear when our dissociated Self takes up its false leadership. They simply become less extreme and they begin to hide all our unique gifts and purposes within their less dissociated roles. Sometimes our child within can develop gifts so profoundly they can even step into the leadership at times when given permission from our Shadow constructed Self. But without help and support will withdraw from leadership when the Shadow Self feels threatened. Polarisation When outer influences intrude in our current life or from our family of origin, through derogatory attitudes, prejudices, unrealistic expectations, or when shocking or traumatic interactions happen, our child within can take over leadership from our Shadow Self. The child within can also take on historical family losses and burdens, and take in outer family system depressions, illnesses and emotional heaviness. As one part of self takes on an extremely protective role it unbalances the entire inner system and takes over the leadership responsibilities from the Authentic Self. When the parts of self become polarized, intense inner conflict and inner competition ensues within the psyche. Trauma When the people that we love, primarily live, identify, and express from one or more extreme parts of themselves, we will find ourselves adjusting our personalities in extreme ways to balance with and interact with them. When our outer interactions are unbalanced, we move out of our center of our Authentic Self to belong and harmonize with our group or family system. The same thing happens in our inner family system. When trauma occurs - when we are abandoned, rejected, shocked, scared, or abused physically, sexually or emotionally - our inner family system polarizes into extremes. Polarised Shadow Self Highly polarised shadow self are very rigid and defended. To try to change any part of ourselves without considering the often dysfunctional family system that it operates in - will activate strong resistance. It is helpful to be respectful towards the parts of ourselves that feel scared and defended as they are just trying to do their job to keep us damaged. Most people are polarised in their external family systems. Exiles Any part that was hurt, rejected, scared, or shamed as child will often go into hiding and be repressed. These highly charged emotional sub-personalities become the exiles of our inner family system. These exiles are often overwhelmed with feelings of rejection and unlovability. Like any exiles, these parts become desperate to express themselves. They long for opportunities to break free and share their stories and their pain. They desperately want to be loved, listened to, accepted, and cared for. Often exiles also carry most of the feelings for the inner family system, because the other more managerial parts of self often dump their unwanted feelings onto the exiles to get on with the process of functional living. These hurt and rejected inner parts are very vulnerable, and if they are not brought forward into the light of consciousness with care and maturity, they can flood us with uncomfortable feelings and memories. They are also in danger of looking for love in unhealthy ways. They tend to want to look to redeem their inner pain in the same kinds of unhealthy situations that hurt them in the first place. These hurt and exiled parts of self will seek love, acceptance, and protection from the very types of people that cannot give it to them. This sets up a hopeless and repeating pattern of both inner and outer rejection. Many people mistakenly think that their sub-personalities are their Authentic Selves, as "shadow managers" can often be quite highly functioning, and even inspiring at times. Shadow Selves, however, live in constant fear and dread of the escape of the ancient ancestral voices of our past generations. It is important to note that the shadow self does not accept all parts of the self like the child within does. Shadow Selves try to control life in such a way as to avoid any person or situation that might trigger the emotional pain of the past. This control and repression can sometimes look very noble, spiritual, creative, and highly achieving. Highly functioning shadow selves can fill our lives with edifying and creative activities that in the long run feel empty, because they are done from avoidance of, and compensation for past emotional pain instead of self-acceptance. Our Shadow Self can be highly functioning and efficient in the world. We can accomplish great things - but in an unbalanced way - that is out of touch with the child within. Shadow selves in contrast to the child within are a forced and extreme role that polarises away from inner pain of our addictive nature. Shadow Selves must expend enormous amounts of energy to keep the repressed need, hurt, fear, and painful memories and sensations buried. From this place of dissociation we strive, control, try to be a perfectionist, or to gain approval, or we live in rigid denial of what is arising within. The Shadow self is ruled by ancient ancestral voices must sacrifice its-selves for the eternal dtysfunctioning shadow self and can rarely relax. The more competent these shadow selves become, the more we rely on them, and the more the child within is denied. Most often we can feel lonely, overwhelmed, and exhausted. Like the lost ancestors, our child within need love, balance, nurturance, fun, acceptance, care and rest. These ancestral voices from a long dead past - only being a redundant part of shadow self - come to believe that everything depends on them. The more they accomplish the less they believe in - or are willing listen to the wisdom of the perfect child within. 
 When we become overwhelmed and exhausted with all the perceived responsibilities, the ancestors can become once more activated, and can threaten to take over our shadow selves. When the ancestors take over we can be uncontrollably flooded with difficult feelings. The emergency selfs firefighters will then swoop in to help us dissociate, or to douse the dreaded exiled feelings, with little regard for the consequences. The techniques that the firefighting shadow self uses, include extreme and numbing activities such as self-mutilation, binge eating, drug or alcohol abuse, excessive eating or sexual activity, physical illness, or other extreme forms of dissociation. The aim of our self destructive firefighting self is to engage in any dissociative, distracting, or self-serving activity that will numb or distract from intensely arising emotional pain triggers. This extreme mode of coping with emotional pain is the place that all unbalanced, addictive and obsessive behaviours come from. And while we appear controlled and organised and highly rational, the shadow selfs firefighters will use any means to numb emotional pain. These extremely self-focused behaviours often leave a wake of chaos and destruction , in relationships and in our physical body. We struggle against some form of self-rejection and repression . When we understand the inner workings of our perfect child within, we can see becoming unconditionally present is a necessary practice to incorporate into our life. Restoring Balance, Harmony, to our child within Our perfect Child within already has everything encoded within itself to heal. Even the most conflicted inner internal addictive behaviour when challenged by the reality of the child within can heal itself - if the process of listening to all perspectives of our inner shadow world is honoured. When our freed child within takes its true seat within a reformed consciousness we will enjoy the process of seeing and expressing the new creation of our resurrected selves. It is a relief and a joy to creatively explore and sort out the map of our psyche and understand how we uniquely operate. Through inner self-acceptance, the gifts and strengths that we buried along with our pain are finally able to come to the forefront for expression in our daily life. It is most helpful however, to do this inner work when we are not living in a dangerous or triggering outer environment. Parts will have a hard time leaving their roles when they are continually be activated by other people. Often it is important to find a quiet time away from the stresses of life to explore the inner parts of our psyche. It is profoundly relieving to discover firsthand that all parts of ourselves want to harmonise and contribute to our best life. Every part of us has a valuable role to play, and each part will eagerly leave their extreme roles given the love, self-acceptance, and inner nurturing that we can provide through our Core/Authentic Self the child within. Our Creative Child Within can be a profoundly moving and fun process where we come to respect and appreciate all of the recovering parts of ourselves that have kept us safe, helped us function, and brought us intact to this present moment.

STAGE ONE OF THE TEN STAGES:Shadow Self our hidden killer

We admit that the traumas buried in our unconscious rule our lives, makes us powerless to embody the truth, and drives us to act out in way...

Wild Child, Children Who Hurt Themselves and Others

Fraser Trevor

Link Author

Title: Wild Child, Children Who Hurt Themselves and Others
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

Wild Child, Children Who Hurt Ourselves and Others "I blame the parents" "This is obviously a cry for help." "If ...

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 Wild Child, Children Who Hurt Ourselves and Others "I blame the parents" "This is obviously a cry for help." "If the parents were just held responsible - this kind of thing would never happen." "The fruit doesn't fall far from the tree" "Teach a child in the way he should go and he will not deviate far from it" Chances are we've heard one of the above phrases more than once in our lives. We may even have said or thought the same thing ourselves as we watched some child behave in a way that suggested that their parents had little or no control over them. It's just common sense isn't it? Bad parents produce bad kids. But if you are a parent of a dissociated child, those words do not sound like common sense. Those words echo with condemnation from a world that never considered, can't imagine or refuses to believe that children can suffer from the same dissociation disorders that afflict adults. After all - we don't blame the parents when a child gets the measles - or a life threatening illness. On the contrary! We extend our support our sympathies and our prayers to parents whose children struggle with physical ailments. Why should we blame the parents when a child gets dissociated? But we do. Who is the dissociated Child? She is the schoolgirl who teases a weaker child mercilessly. He is the playground bully. She is the friend of a child who turns into an enemy overnight, with no warning and no reason, only to become a best friend again the next day. He is the child who breaks windows. She is the pregnant teenager. He is the boy who brings drugs to school. She is the child who slaps her sister. He is the kid who they call delinquent. She is the sweet little girl who took a pill overdose He is the quiet kid who is cruel to animals. She is the 10 year old who shoplifts. There are many forms and shapes of dissociated Wild Child - and there are kids who misbehave who do not have a dissociation. These examples are given as an illustration - not as a diagnosis of dissociation.

Wild Child, Children Who Hurt Themselves and Others

Wild Child, Children Who Hurt Ourselves and Others "I blame the parents" "This is obviously a cry for help." "If ...

Did You Exist Before You Were Born? by David R. Hamilton Ph.D. - HealYourLife

Fraser Trevor

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Title: Did You Exist Before You Were Born? by David R. Hamilton Ph.D. - HealYourLife
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

Did You Exist Before You Were Born? by David R. Hamilton Ph.D. - HealYourLife : 'via Blog this'

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<a href="https://www.healyourlife.com/did-you-exist-before-you-were-born">Did You Exist Before You Were Born? by David R. Hamilton Ph.D. - HealYourLife</a>: 
 
 
 
<a href="https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/pengoopmcjnbflcjbmoeodbmoflcgjlk" style="font-size: 13px;">'via Blog this'</a>

Did You Exist Before You Were Born? by David R. Hamilton Ph.D. - HealYourLife

Did You Exist Before You Were Born? by David R. Hamilton Ph.D. - HealYourLife : 'via Blog this'

What new recovery story would we like to live shed of our old childhood coping strategies?

Fraser Trevor

Link Author

Title: What new recovery story would we like to live shed of our old childhood coping strategies?
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

Growing up, many of us have learned that in order to receive love from our parents or our primary caretaker, there is a certain way we had...

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Growing up, many of us have learned that in order to receive love from our parents or our primary caretaker, there is a certain way we had to behave. And we also learned that there were ways that we couldn’t behave. We see, as children, we are dependent on others for our survival. And so we begin to adapt our behaviour to get the approval we desire from our parents. We are geniuses at understanding patterns – it’s called pattern recognition. As children, we see the patterns that, if we follow them, get us rewards from our parents. And we see the patterns that will never get us rewards and approval from our parents. This type of pattern recognition creates our “model of association,” i.e., how we learn to get approval from not only our parents, but also our immediate world. We then we take this model of behaviour that many times was decided by us by the time we were 5 or 6, into our adult life. What many of us have come to understand is that there is still a scared and helpless 5 or 6-year-old version of ourselves that is running the show in all our relationships – both romantically and professionally. Obviously, what we learn from our parents, no matter if the experience was good or bad, has served us to this point. We made it to today and so we learned how to survive, cope and survive. Many of us were praised when we achieved and followed the rules and not praised when we acted out, acted too silly or too empowered (a.k.a. against our parents’ will). Many parents value our security so much that they let financial certainty be the bottom line as far as what is “good” for us and what isn’t. Very few parents actually want us to cultivate our creative or artistic skill set because the dominant belief in the world is that it’s very hard to get paid to do that. While they think they are loving us in that moment, they are actually holding us back from living an authentic life, because we want approval from our parents as a young child, we obey. But could it be true that some of the decisions we made as a young child no longer serve us? Is there a part of us that we have been ignoring that wants to come out and play? Is that part of us is scared to come out because that part of us believes that our needs won’t be met if we show that part? What if our journey today was to show more of that other side of ourselves that has been shut away for so long? What if our needs can and WILL get met as we become more and more ourself? What if an even BETTER life was possible if we did that? Wouldn’t that be awesome!? We see, we learned a model of approval in a different stage of life. If we tried to wear the same shoes that we wore when you were 6, chances are those shoes wouldn’t serve us now the way they did then. So don’t we think it’s time to upgrade our model of approval and consciously design it? Don’t we think it’s time to take charge of our life and start living it instead of letting it live us? Aren’t we ready to re-connect to our child hidden within us!? Aren’t we ready to live a self-approved child withins life instead of being an old carbon copy of someone else’s desire for us? This is what The Ten Stages Recovery Path is about. Learning what stories and patterns we’ve been running that no longer serve us and consciously create new contact with our child withins intuitive voice and CHOOSE to live with this contact every day. So – what new model of our child withins life would we like to decide today? What new recovery story would we like to live shed of our old childhood coping strategies?

What new recovery story would we like to live shed of our old childhood coping strategies?

Growing up, many of us have learned that in order to receive love from our parents or our primary caretaker, there is a certain way we had...

Our Child Within has been groomed to listen to others but not themselves

Fraser Trevor

Link Author

Title: Our Child Within has been groomed to listen to others but not themselves
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

Our Child Within has been groomed to listen to others but not themselves, certainly not to their feelings. Feelings are to be distrusted. ...

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Our Child Within has been groomed to listen to others but not themselves, certainly not to their feelings. Feelings are to be distrusted. We are trained to think out and then over-think our actions and fear spontaneity—to inhibit instinctually acting from feeling.

Our Child Within has been groomed to listen to others but not themselves

Our Child Within has been groomed to listen to others but not themselves, certainly not to their feelings. Feelings are to be distrusted. ...

Almost anybody can learn to think or believe or know, but not a single human being can be taught to feel.

Fraser Trevor

Link Author

Title: Almost anybody can learn to think or believe or know, but not a single human being can be taught to feel.
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

Almost anybody can learn to think or believe or know, but not a single human being can be taught to feel. Why? Because whenever you think ...

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Almost anybody can learn to think or believe or know, but not a single human being can be taught to feel. Why? Because whenever you think or you believe or you know, you’re a lot of other people but the moment you feel, you’re nobody-but-yourself you are the child within.

Almost anybody can learn to think or believe or know, but not a single human being can be taught to feel.

Almost anybody can learn to think or believe or know, but not a single human being can be taught to feel. Why? Because whenever you think ...

Child Within was born bathed in a feeling state, this deeper intelligence that connects us to our dreams and creativity, to the subtleties and beauty of instant life.

Fraser Trevor

Link Author

Title: Child Within was born bathed in a feeling state, this deeper intelligence that connects us to our dreams and creativity, to the subtleties and beauty of instant life.
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

Child Within was born bathed in a feeling state, this deeper intelligence that connects us to our dreams and creativity, to the subtleties...

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Child Within was born bathed in a feeling state, this deeper intelligence that connects us to our dreams and creativity, to the subtleties and beauty of instant life. But then eventually they are separated from it and we call this education; we call it preparation for the “real” world. Quickly, we “ready” them; we tell them to “grow up” in many direct and indirect ways. But what we’re really doing is getting them to migrate upwards above the neck away from the ancient wisdom stored in their body, to rise from heart to head allegiance.<div>
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Child Within was born bathed in a feeling state, this deeper intelligence that connects us to our dreams and creativity, to the subtleties and beauty of instant life.

Child Within was born bathed in a feeling state, this deeper intelligence that connects us to our dreams and creativity, to the subtleties...

Our child within, is in no way shackled by the linear, disconnected routes most adults restrict themselves to

Fraser Trevor

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Title: Our child within, is in no way shackled by the linear, disconnected routes most adults restrict themselves to
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

Our child within, is in no way shackled by the linear, disconnected routes most adults restrict themselves to, comfortably adventured acro...

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Our child within, is in no way shackled by the linear, disconnected routes most adults restrict themselves to, comfortably adventured across the conventional chasm separating seeming strangers and into a friend’s heart. For the child within this is no big deal. There is no such thing as “stranger” in the mind of the child within, just as there is no such thing as race; such is the openness of their buyout hearts, such is there wonder. There is less, if any, of a wall separating the child within from you, the owl, the Cedar; there is less separating the moon from the stars. The Child Within can travel freely from one star to the next, from one dream to another, from their heart to yours, across seas upon seas most dare not travel and most separate themselves from. This is the unbridled spirit of adventure children embody so well—sinuously going where their hearts take them, across seas that have no edges, no limits, into the hearts of others, into the Heart of Existence. This is the gift of the child within bring—living unscheduled, unbounded by time and space, thus available to the timeless, boundless nature of our spirit. And in this, they invite us into wider winding passages where we become more alive and where the distance between you and I and all of life fades.

Our child within, is in no way shackled by the linear, disconnected routes most adults restrict themselves to

Our child within, is in no way shackled by the linear, disconnected routes most adults restrict themselves to, comfortably adventured acro...

Our child within once awakened is excited to wake up in the morning.

Fraser Trevor

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Title: Our child within once awakened is excited to wake up in the morning.
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

Our child within once awakened is excited to wake up in the morning. Open to surprise, wandering through our home drawn to the next thing...

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Our child within once awakened is excited to wake up in the morning. Open to surprise,  wandering through our home drawn to the next thing capturing our attention. Maybe it’s the dog, or a new toy, or the bright golden dandelion blooming through the sea of green grass. Each moment is filled with wonder for this child within, has recaptured a bubbling awe leading us from one fascination to the next. Each moment is an unfolding adventure. We are back in the land of Intulexia As we have departed the wonders of childhood for the predictabilities of life, however, adventure fades. The tedium of responsibilities—going to school, paying bills, buying groceries, cleaning the house, ensuring children do their homework—becomes life. Instead of traveling like an eager explorer along wide-open seas of surprise—taking in the glimmering leaf, imbibing the poetry of birdsong—adults settle for narrower and narrower passages, the same pragmatic passages they navigate every day. What makes the loss of adventure particularly acute is the diminishment of our senses, our feeling nature. A child attunes to the magic of life not through the limits of rational thought, but through the fluidity of felt experience. The eyes see the moon, the ears hear the raven, but the heart feels the aliveness that bridges the child to both and into their sentience. The heart perceives not from separation, but from unity. It feels the livingness that ensouls, entwines and gives rise to all of life’s seemingly separate parts. <div>
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Our child within once awakened is excited to wake up in the morning.

Our child within once awakened is excited to wake up in the morning. Open to surprise, wandering through our home drawn to the next thing...

A pregnant woman knows she is shaping her child's future from the moment of conception. But she might not realise that the baby is already talking back.

Fraser Trevor

Link Author

Title: A pregnant woman knows she is shaping her child's future from the moment of conception. But she might not realise that the baby is already talking back.
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

A pregnant woman knows she is shaping her child's future from the moment of conception. But she might not realise that the baby is a...

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A pregnant woman knows she is shaping her child's future from the moment of conception. But she might not realise that the baby is already talking back. Mother and child are engaged in a silent chemical conversation throughout pregnancy, with bits of genetic material and cells passing not only from mother to child but also from child to mother. Scientists increasingly think these silent signals from the foetus may influence a mother's risk of cancer, rheumatoid arthritis and other diseases, even decades after she has given birth. We've known for more than a century that cells from a pregnant woman can make their way through the placenta to an unborn child. Identical twins also can exchange these microchimeric cells through their shared placenta. But it was a surprise when researchers at Stanford University, found a few cells with Y sex chromosomes in a pregnant woman's blood in 1979; those cells had to have come from her son, since women have only X chromosomes. It turns out that all pregnant women carry some foetal cells and DNA, with up to 6 percent of the free-floating DNA in the mother's blood plasma coming from the foetus. After the baby is born, those numbers plummet but some cells remain. In 1996, Diana Bianchi, a geneticist at Tufts Medical Center, found male foetal cells in a mother's blood 27 years after she had given birth. Evidence is building that those foetal cells aren't just lounging around in Mom; in fact, they might be active participants in a mother's health. But as research in this new field accumulates, so too do the perplexing contradictions about these rare alien elements.

A pregnant woman knows she is shaping her child's future from the moment of conception. But she might not realise that the baby is already talking back.

A pregnant woman knows she is shaping her child's future from the moment of conception. But she might not realise that the baby is a...

Being present in the child withins life always has a double meaning.

Fraser Trevor

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Title: Being present in the child withins life always has a double meaning.
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

Being present in the child withins life always has a double meaning. There's present, as in here, in attendance. And there's prese...

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Being present in the child withins life always has a double meaning. There's present, as in here, in attendance. And there's present, as in now, a moment of time. What is the child within practice of being present? Being here now. The world's religions all recommend living in the moment with full awareness. Zen Buddhism especially is known for its emphasis on "nowness." Hindu, Taoist, Jewish, Moslem, Christian, and other teachers urge us to make the most of every day as an opportunity that will not come to us again. Also under the rubric of being present is the traditional spiritual exercise called practicing the presence of the child within. This means recognising that our child within is here now moving through our everyday activities, no matter how trivial they might seem. Why The Child Within May Be For You The contrasts to being present are living in the past and living in the future. We do the former when we hold on to regrets. We constantly review things that have already happened, trying to explain them in terms of our own or someone else's actions. Often this kind of thinking leads to guilt or blaming. We live in the future when we make assumptions or fantasise about what could happen and then become attached to those expected outcomes. This habit usually results in disappointment. Whether we are consumed with positive expectations (optimism) or negative projections (pessimism), we are not living in the moment. When you find yourself constantly reacting to your experiences in one of these ways, when you always want to be otherwise and elsewhere, it is time to be present. The companion of this practice is contentment. Daily Cue, Reminder, Vow, Blessing Having the first cup of coffee, tea, or milk in the morning is our cue to be here now. When we sit on a bench, we are reminded of the joys of simply being present to our surroundings. Whenever we experience or witness sickness, we vow to appreciate every moment of our life. Understanding the Perfect Child Within who is ever present within us, and watching its healthy growth into adulthood allows us self autonomy and encourages high self-worth.

Being present in the child withins life always has a double meaning.

Being present in the child withins life always has a double meaning. There's present, as in here, in attendance. And there's prese...

Beyond Birth: A Child's Cells May Help or Harm the Mother Long after Delivery - Scientific American

Fraser Trevor

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Title: Beyond Birth: A Child's Cells May Help or Harm the Mother Long after Delivery - Scientific American
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

Beyond Birth: A Child's Cells May Help or Harm the Mother Long after Delivery - Scientific American : 'via Blog this'

Beyond Birth: A Child's Cells May Help or Harm the Mother Long after Delivery - Scientific American

Beyond Birth: A Child's Cells May Help or Harm the Mother Long after Delivery - Scientific American : 'via Blog this'

What prevents us from being in our present moment?

Fraser Trevor

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Title: What prevents us from being in our present moment?
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

Our reactive thinking prevents us from being in the present moment. From our earliest life encounters, our reactive thoughts create storyl...

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Our reactive thinking prevents us from being in the present moment. From our earliest life encounters, our reactive thoughts create storylines about our experiences. We bring our cognitive and emotional development as a five-year-old to our experiences of parents, family, love, safety and fear. In our storylines, we come to conclusions about ourselves and our world and make judgments about who we are, about whether or not our needs and feelings are OK or not. These storylines remain with us through adolescence and into adulthood. Throughout our life we add storylines and pile them one on top of the other. Our inner critic is an outgrowth of the conclusions we reach about who we are.

What prevents us from being in our present moment?

Our reactive thinking prevents us from being in the present moment. From our earliest life encounters, our reactive thoughts create storyl...

What is awareness?

Fraser Trevor

Link Author

Title: What is awareness?
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

We have been told that awareness is that part of us that perceives, observes and witnesses our thoughts, feelings, behaviours and body—the...

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We have been told that awareness is that part of us that perceives, observes and witnesses our thoughts, feelings, behaviours and body—the clothing awareness puts on—and we need to discover what is underneath. We need to realise that awareness lives at the innermost core of our being. When our awareness is in the present moment, we’re in touch with who we really are, with our very essence. Being in the present is being one with each heartbeat, each in-breath, each out-breath, from moment to moment…We only have our next breath, our next heartbeat, or we would not exist. “The past and future are only concepts, we only have the now…” – Jon Kabat-Zinn

What is awareness?

We have been told that awareness is that part of us that perceives, observes and witnesses our thoughts, feelings, behaviours and body—the...

The deepest trauma The deepest wound. My wound, your wound, Was the first.

Fraser Trevor

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Title: The deepest trauma The deepest wound. My wound, your wound, Was the first.
Author: Fraser Trevor
Rating 5 of 5 Des:

The deepest wound. My wound, your wound, Was the first, the most cutting, The damage done, Before we even knew who we were. Just startin...

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The deepest wound. My wound, your wound, Was the first, the most cutting, The damage done, Before we even knew who we were. Just starting to look out, To relate, to feel love, Ready and willing to feel The love we arrived with. Born with so much love within, And ready to receive All the love in the world, A gift from love to love and back again. We the unprotected, the vulnerable, The innocent, the naïve, The trusting, the powerless, Without a defense, without a guard. Ready, available, naked, Then the cut, the hurt, the wounding. We never saw it coming, And never knew when it was done. Our experience is our “normal.” That is how it is, Without questioning, without realizing, without knowing That it was wrong, that it hurt, That it was permanent. We thought we were born in love. That was all we came with, Open, available, unconditional loving beings. But we were in harm’s way, Innocent little children, Willing to suffer without knowing what suffering is. Willing to receive whatever came our way, Taking the pain of rejection and indifference, Of control and training without being seen or known, With acceptance, without complaint. We were struck down, Not knowing that we were with assassins Who took our hearts from us And tore into them without regard. We forgive them, the wrongdoers, For they know not what they do. We blame ourselves: We should have been different, Easier and no trouble. Oh, how I tried to be that. If only we were different somehow, Then our natural loving selves would have survived The confusion, mistrust and disappointment, And the innocence that was taken, gone forever. When our indestructible selves were under attack, And starved or given conditional love or no love at all, It was time to do something: Defend, attack, scream; Adapt, withdraw, comply, suppress; As we tried to make it all alright. It was time to recreate someone new. We adapted and made ourselves better than we were, More acceptable and more lovable, perhaps, If that were even possible— People who might get what they came for. My false self, my fake identity, I always thought that was me. I tried to be the person I thought I should be, And thought that was me. Now, surely, the love will come. I tried so hard to be the person That I thought you wanted, That I wanted to be. But no one ever did love my false self, Not even me. So I failed and the love didn’t come, Not way back when I was my natural self, And not when I changed into somebody else. What more could I have done? I’ll be whatever you need me to be To earn your love. I’ll submit to you and kiss your feet, If that’s what it takes To make the not-OK feel OK. I’ll be someone who pleases you, So that you delight in me. I’ll have no needs of my own, Never a trouble to you. Whatever you need me to be, I’ll pretend to be that. I promise to heal your deepest wound, And then you can pretend to heal the wound of the pretend-me. If what I am isn’t enough, I’ll try and try, again and again, Or tell you that you are wrong, And you should change. Can you be enough to heal my deepest wound? I’ll dance and sing for you, And make you laugh out loud. I’ll cry, plead and beg, Or be very, very good. I’ll act as if you were my mother. To you, I’ll be your father, Playing the past out, Unconsciously projecting and transferring Over and over again. I’ll be upset and angry. Perhaps that will work. I’ll control you, And make you into what I want. Be what I need, And I’ll be what you need. We can be two created false selves, Trying to heal who we thought we were. I am a damaged child, And so are you. It is where we start and end, Or so we think. But we were not born that way, That is not how we began. Innocent little beings, Ready for love to flow, Adorable little things, just perfect as we were. Who are we now? Not who we thought we were, But my damaged child believes in itself, And wants your love. I’ll give you all the love you need, But it will never work out, As my false self tries to heal your “damaged child,” And wishes for your false self to heal me. We the survivors, one and all, Have adapted and recreated ourselves. We knew not what we did, But did what we had to do. It was the only way To live among the damage-doers, As we found our place in the generational line Of damage done to damage-doers, For that’s what we become. For all of us Are damaged children, And the first cut Was the deepest. The first cut was the most profound, For it told us who we were, Unworthy of the love that was our birthright, As we assumed it was all normal And that we were not. That early damage changed me for life, Making me believe I was not OK, I was too much, and not normal, So I changed as I tried to be “normal enough” For those who made me feel not so, Not seeing that it was they who were not. They never did notice what they did, And they never changed, For they were already not who they really were, And carried their deepest wound, too. The unloved, wounded child, Carried along for life, Never knowing what it is to be loved, To be loved for no reason at all, Just for the way he [or she] is. Who I was wasn’t loved, So I changed and then found That what I became wasn’t loved, either. They didn’t even notice how I changed, And there was no bonus love for effort. I changed as best I could, But that was rejected too. Love didn’t come, and it was my fault, But there was nothing more I could do. They didn’t have the love they came in with, Gone long before I arrived, And I thought it was all because of me, That they really had something I could get, If only I could figure it all out. But all along the bank was empty. 
What I have made myself into Is not free to love you. I give because I want, And what I want, you don’t have. I am a wounded self who has forgotten who I am, Trying to love another wounded self Who has forgotten who she is, Trying to love me back. All selves are made up in one way or another, But that is not who we are. We are the baby that came out of the womb: Open, innocent, not seeking or wanting; And not lacking, nor experiencing neglect. 
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
It is the baby who is unconditionally loving,Born to be itself just as it is,Accepting whatever comes its way,Without knowing what it wants.</blockquote>
 An infant doesn’t tell its parents how to be, Or what they should do. It doesn’t make them wrong or criticize, Or think it knows best. They are free to do whatever they do. So I open myself to you, And willingly receive what you have, Including the demands of your wounded heart, And who you think you should be, And I bring the same to you. There is no need for us to hide Our innocence and our natural, loving hearts, Each heart ready and willing to love and be loved, Because that is what we were born to do. My heart was born to do the same as yours, So how are we going to do that? Let’s love all aspects of ourselves. Let’s love our trying and failing. Let’s love our false selves, The selves that we are not. Let’s love the part of ourselves that is quietly calling for love, And the part that thinks it should be unconditionally loving. Let’s connect with who we really are, Loving hearts with no agenda, No demands or expectations or hopes, And no trying to be what we think the other wants. Let’s be with what we truly are: Nothing to do, nowhere to go, Just here now, as we are, Me accepting of you and of myself, And you accepting of me and yourself. I love you because I do, With all my heart, For no reason and with no agenda, Because that is what I was born to do. I can only love you when I feel love for myself, And then I don’t need you to do that for me. When I feel my love for me, The love is felt for you, And then back again. I can’t love you without loving me, Because that would be fake. I can’t love me and then not love you. To think that is even possible would be a mistake. I want you to love you, and also me, Without the effort of trying, Of planning and thinking, Without having a job to do. You don’t have to be good enough for me, Because you were never not so. How could you be? When all that you are is everything, When what you are is me. Let’s love, and be done with the trying. Let’s allow in the love we thought we didn’t deserve. Let’s be done with trying to be what we think the other wants, In the hopeless hope that we will then earn a love that was always free. Free to love with nothing to fix And nothing to mend, For we were never broken, And now all that can end. Let’s just allow ourselves to love And to be loved for no particular reason, Getting what we came for, And doing what we were born to do. 
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The deepest trauma The deepest wound. My wound, your wound, Was the first.

The deepest wound. My wound, your wound, Was the first, the most cutting, The damage done, Before we even knew who we were. Just startin...

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