The darker, unacknowledged purpose of being married with children is to create a vehicle for passing on denied trauma. Non-reflective, socially sanctioned family life with all the rigours of childrearing is a convenient way to divert our energy from the healing path of our recovery. Few who are married with children have but the merest time for introspection. Instead of resolving their problems from childhood, they unconsciously project it onto their spouses and children. Their spouses and children carry the burden of whatever wounds or unfulfilled wishes remain within. Eventually these buried hurts erupt in conflicts of various sorts between us and our spouses and also our children. Maybe they take a generation or two to claw their way to the surface—but they do erupt. Of course, people who deny their deep inner world of the child within never acknowledge the source of these conflicts—their own childhoods. Nor do they indict their parents for the wounds they now pass on. Instead they deny—what was done to them and the fact that they are doing the same.
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